Unified Division

― M. Scott Peck

My students ask me often, “Ms. Scharmyn, do you have children?” When I answer with a swift and firm, “Nope.” They are almost always taken aback. They proceed with questions like, “Why not? Do you hate children? Don’t you like us?”

These questions are all lacking simple logic, making no sense at all. What does the quality of me not having children have to do with the possibility of me hating children? Is it not possible for someone who does have children to hate the young’uns? I point out to them that I am a teacher and I must like children at least a little bit…it does no good, they continue to be perplexed.

This is definitely a big fat thing about developmental stages. Children around the age I teach, 12-14, are often throwing off the mantle of what child psychologist frontiersman, Jean Piaget, labels the Concrete Operational stage. Not yet to the Formal Operational stage where abstraction and complexity become the norm, children in the Concrete Operational stage often think about things concretely (ya think?), their logic is limited to thinking of things in an either/or fashion, they fail to hold many possibilities in their thoughts at one time, there is often only one possible “true” answer for them.

In the above example, the only possibility for a person without children is that they hate children. ‘Nough said.

The problem is that this type of thinking is not limited to children in the Concrete Operational stages of development. Or rather, perhaps it is that too many adults have never outgrown that particular stage, and waver somewhere in between the Concrete Operational and the Formal Operational.  It is more than possible that people retain remnants of more than one stage of development and that it shows in various aspects of their thinking. It seems to me that this has happened on a society-wide basis. We are, as a society, stuck at least part way in the Concrete Operational stage of development.

A friend just posted this throwback article, honoring Tupac Shakur and his late stardom. A quote near the bottom of the article tries to come to terms with Tupac’s various public images or his seemingly contradictory outlooks:

“Keep Ya Head Up” is a song about society’s mistreatment of women. The other two hits from Tupac’s album, “I Get Around” and “Holler If You Hear Me,” are not. The songs seem to come from different places…

-Sami Yenigun

It’s not that I don’t find these contradictions interesting and I definitely have no problem with journalists trying to come to terms with the different attitudes that are seemingly at odds, one of promoting women and one of objectifying women. It’s that I just think this variance in opinions, attitudes, and actions is very normal. Who doesn’t play with different ideas as they go along? Who hasn’t tried on a million different hats?  Have you ever expressed something, only to then express something seemingly opposite? I bet you have. I bet you hate stealing until you want the pen from the bank or you eat healthy until you have a bad day and then eat a whole bag of chips. No?

If our minds are healthy, it seems to me that they play with all kinds of possibilities. In order to test something out and see if it really fits you, you have to explore it fully. Aside from this mental play that we all engage in so that we might grow and more fully become ourselves, there are also complex emotional processes that complicate things, intense societal pressures that color especially that which we share with others publicly, and cultural mores that condition us to behave in a certain way, even if that is not what jives with us internally when things are all said and done.

Given all of that, it is no surprise that an individual might express contradictory views or behaviors, seemingly from across a great divide, all within one unified personality.

This song by Macklemore, another hip hop guru, brings the unified divide to a sharp point:

Ran into a familiar face, a female who comes in and supports us
I said “Peace!” She said “Wait! Let me talk to you for a minute
I know it’s none of my business, but I wasn’t impressed by your performance.”
I said “Word? Shit, I love feedback and criticism”
She said “I miss the passionate spirit, your political vision
Quite honestly I wasn’t offended by those references to women
But you’re only continuing society’s conditioning”
It hit the heart of me
I told her that this was part of me
I stand up for human rights, and treat others how I would wanna be treated
But every song can’t be seepin’ with freedom
‘Cause the other side of me is sexist then people will feel that I’m preachin’
“Everything’s peace and love?” uhh, that’s somewhat misleading
Because this world is fucked-up and I’m a product of what I’m seeing
Not to justify, but just to touch on my being
I learn from these verses and my purpose gets surfaced with demons-
Now I am sexist, I’m prejudice, I put that in my music.

-Macklemore, “Contradiction”

Here’s the song as a whole:

I come up against the divisions of self in my own writings. This is why I use a pen name. Being a teacher and then publishing parts of rap songs that swear on your public blog can totally get you fired. Talking about yourself honestly can get you fired. I drink alcohol. For some reason my consumption offends some people who think that teachers should be magical and pure fairies from higher realms.  I consume marijuana in various ways and, even though that is completely legal, I am absolutely sure that it could get me booted. I go home after hard days and I call my students, who I love to the utmost of my core being, little fucking shithead motherfuckers. And then I go back the next day and love them some more. As much as people want to cringe at the thought of a teacher who says those things, most teachers feel this way sometimes! Admit it, you’ve felt that way about nearly every person and animal you’ve ever shared significant portions of your life with! It is so normal.

Having ideas, feelings, and thoughts that are at odds with each other is so, so normal.

If I couldn’t get fired for all that honesty, I wouldn’t publish behind a pen name at all. And I think society would be better off for it. Why should Tupac either unconditionally promote women’s empowerment or only ever look at women as sex objects? Can’t he both be pro-women and have been brought up to be a sexual being who views the other sex as somewhat objectified? Is there something wrong with expressing both aspects of himself? Why can’t Macklemore both be someone who promotes equality, freedom, and justice and also be someone who reflects that society has not reached a point where people are equal, free, or just? Why shouldn’t I have a work persona that is, outside of me, separate from my private persona?

It is a failure of society if we raise our children to grow up to be adults who cannot handle the inconsistencies in other people, who cannot hold many possibilities of truth in their hands at one time, who do not see the value in allowing people to express multiple points of view at various times, and who can only see one aspect of an issue at one time.  We will know we have succeeded in helping people develop when they can take those contradictions, recognize the divides they hold within their own selves, and then unify seamlessly into one being.

No one has to choose only one way of interacting with the world, only one persona, only one idea to share with others. We are all full of contradictions and that is normal, that is ok. Go celebrate the divisions that you have unified within yourself and acknowledge that you will continue to be someone who swims in the ocean of grey that separates the black shore from the white shore, eternally, until you become God.